I've met a ton of recent grads since moving to Rochester in 2010. More often than not, the conversations I've had with these new acquaintances start of with a question that's dreaded by many post grads: "so..... what do you do?"
I don't dread this question or judge the people who ask it. I completely understand that sometimes there are only so many things you can talk about with an acquaintance before things take a turn for the awkward. Being new to our jobs is a common bond between most post grads, so it's only natural that talk about them in social gatherings.
While I understand the time and place for filler questions like these, I just hate the way this one is phrased. What do you do? Well... I listen to a lot of music, teach piano for fun, enjoy trying out new restaurants, and love running outside when the temperatures warm enough.
But that's not the answer that society has prepped us for. "What do you do?" means, "what's your job?" While my job is definitely one thing I do over the course of the week, it's not all that I do, and doesn't define everything I am.
I've really tried to avoid asking this question lately, even in the most awkward of conservation lulls. Instead, I'll try ask a new acquaintance what brought them to Rochester. If they like their job, this gives them an in to talk about it. If they don't, they can direct the conservation towards other parts of their lives.
How do you feel about the "what do you do" question?
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Old Friends
I wrote a post last year about how I feel lucky to have maintained such a solid group of high school friends, but I just wanted to revisit the subject since I spent Monday evening with these same old friends and it was an awesome time. It's great to have people in your life that have accomplished such varied things, but are also still so grounded and easy to pick right back up with after not seeing each other for a year (or years) at a time.
I also think spending time with my diverse group of friends helped to reinforce that there really is no right or wrong at this stage in our post grad life. All of my friends are living such different post grad lifestyles. A few are in serious relationships, some work 60 hour weeks, others are in a completely differently field than they expected, some are in grad school, a few live close to home, and others live across the country.
As a group of friends we've progressed from slightly dorky high schoolers to (still dorky) young adults that are busy working, financing new cars, and renting apartments that cost more per month than what we would make in an entire summer at our high school part time jobs. We get tired at 11pm now and only drink beer that actually tastes good.... we're growing up.
I was sad to say goodbye to my old friends for what looks like another year, but I know we'll be back together, reminiscing about happy times before we know it. And maybe when we all become extremely successful we can take awesome friend-cations and visit each other more than once each year.
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| From 2008 ish. Just a few awesome friends hanging out at a laser roller rink |
As a group of friends we've progressed from slightly dorky high schoolers to (still dorky) young adults that are busy working, financing new cars, and renting apartments that cost more per month than what we would make in an entire summer at our high school part time jobs. We get tired at 11pm now and only drink beer that actually tastes good.... we're growing up.
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| A few of my favorite high school girls. And bonus points because we were actually still in high school when this pic was taken. |
Why I Love My Friends
Friends are the most important part of being a Post Grad. Almost every other part of your life has changed. You need your friends more than ever. And as we have written before, making friends as a Post Grad is not easy. Who else is going to help you move? Or carry you home when you've indulged in a little too much at happy hour? Your friends of course!
So below are the reasons I love my friends.
- They judge me juuuuust enough. I hate being judged as a rule, but I also know that I don't always make the best decisions. My friends judge me just enough to let me know that they care and I might be an idiot, but not too much so I know they still love me.
- They indulge in my culinary adventures. Actually they usually encourage them. How am I supposed to know how fantastic, or vomit inducing, my cooking and baking is unless they try the creations?
- They encourage my creativity. Now that college is over there is less opportunity that presents itself for being creative, unless you've somehow landed a job in that field. From this blog to the writing group that was just created, without my friends they would not exist!
- They are dorks just as much as I am. I need to be able to make casual references to The Cave and be understood.
- They are awesome. 'Nuff said.
I hope all of you have a great Labor Day weekend and that you get to spend it with your friends!
The Truth About Post Grad Friendships
It's so easy to have friends in college. You can visit them by walking down the dorm hallway, driving five minutes to their apartment, or meeting them for food on campus. On a scale of 1 to 10, the amount of effort necessary to spend time with college friends probably falls around a 2.
Then, you all graduate and you promise to stay in touch and visit and chat everyday, but much like high school graduation, this doesn't always happen. When major life changes occur it seems like true friends rise up to the challenge, while other friendships fade.
Sometimes, I feel like I experienced my friendships in a backwards sense. I actually stayed in touch with most of my close high school friends after graduation and through college, which is pretty uncommon. We all see each other every break we can, and I can honestly say that even after months of not seeing these guys, when we're together it's like nothing has changed. I can see myself maintaining friendships with everyone for years to come.
I thought I would be this way with my college friends as well, except I assumed I would come away with a much larger friend base. With some of my close college friends, it is like this. Some of us talk regularly and plan visits and are genuinely interested in each others lives.
Lately though, I've been feeling myself grow away from college friends that sort of lingered on the perimeter of close friend territory. If I were still in school, I would reach out to them. I would be the one offering to literally drive to their door to pick them up to hang out or try to find a time that we could meet for dinner. I would be the one making the effort.
After visiting my college a few weekends ago I had a revelation: I am so done with that! Done with people who consider themselves to be true "friends", when they feel no guilt about walking all over me and are only vaguely interested in what I have to say-even less so when I'm not around them. With so many things swirling around my post grad brain, I need to focus on people that care about me as much as I care about them.
In the post grad world, friendships require mutual effort. My plan for now is to keep myself open, but stop putting in the effort to revive friendships with those who wouldn't put forth the same effort for me. Like so many other aspects of my life right now, I guess we'll just see how it goes.
Then, you all graduate and you promise to stay in touch and visit and chat everyday, but much like high school graduation, this doesn't always happen. When major life changes occur it seems like true friends rise up to the challenge, while other friendships fade.
Sometimes, I feel like I experienced my friendships in a backwards sense. I actually stayed in touch with most of my close high school friends after graduation and through college, which is pretty uncommon. We all see each other every break we can, and I can honestly say that even after months of not seeing these guys, when we're together it's like nothing has changed. I can see myself maintaining friendships with everyone for years to come.
I thought I would be this way with my college friends as well, except I assumed I would come away with a much larger friend base. With some of my close college friends, it is like this. Some of us talk regularly and plan visits and are genuinely interested in each others lives.
Lately though, I've been feeling myself grow away from college friends that sort of lingered on the perimeter of close friend territory. If I were still in school, I would reach out to them. I would be the one offering to literally drive to their door to pick them up to hang out or try to find a time that we could meet for dinner. I would be the one making the effort.
After visiting my college a few weekends ago I had a revelation: I am so done with that! Done with people who consider themselves to be true "friends", when they feel no guilt about walking all over me and are only vaguely interested in what I have to say-even less so when I'm not around them. With so many things swirling around my post grad brain, I need to focus on people that care about me as much as I care about them.
In the post grad world, friendships require mutual effort. My plan for now is to keep myself open, but stop putting in the effort to revive friendships with those who wouldn't put forth the same effort for me. Like so many other aspects of my life right now, I guess we'll just see how it goes.
Beat the Monday Blues
By Shikole Struber
Mondays should be done away with. Or at least work should never start before 11am on a Monday. That would solve the awful trepidation you feel on Sunday night when you know relaxation will be quite sporadic until next weekend. However, the corporate world has sadly not caught on this simple fix so we need alternatives to getting rid of the Monday Blues.
- Make dinner and drink plans for Mondays. Instead of Thursday or Friday why not meet up with your friends for drinks on Monday? Something to look forward to at the end of the long day.
- Wear your brightest outfit. Especially if Monday happens to be a dreary one bright colors will cheer you up!
- Treat yourself to a take out lunch. Instead of bringing lunch to work, go out.
Just some simple suggestions for brightening up a Monday. How do you make it through?
Lonely Tylenol
[caption id="attachment_129" align="alignleft" width="117" caption="By Dave Coverly"]
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By Shikole Struber
Not only is this a palindrome, but it reflects how you feel after graduation when you realize most of your friends have moved back home thanks to the economy. Almost everyone's lease was up in May. And now, not only are they leaving, but you are expected to help them pack up and go. Your list of friends to call up to join you for a drink has been shrunk to a mere third of the size it was a couple weeks ago. No one is available to go get dinner. You can't find someone willing to sit through the newest installment of your favorite movie series. There's not even anyone to eat all of the food you bake when procrastinating doing laundry.
Should you make new friends? Make due with the ones who stayed in town? Jump on the bandwagon and move home as well?
I decided to make due with the ones that stayed, and try to get the ones that left me back to visit as often as possible. Visits can be amazing. A break from the redundancy of working full time, or the aggrivation of the job hunt.
What approach would you take?
[/caption]By Shikole Struber
Not only is this a palindrome, but it reflects how you feel after graduation when you realize most of your friends have moved back home thanks to the economy. Almost everyone's lease was up in May. And now, not only are they leaving, but you are expected to help them pack up and go. Your list of friends to call up to join you for a drink has been shrunk to a mere third of the size it was a couple weeks ago. No one is available to go get dinner. You can't find someone willing to sit through the newest installment of your favorite movie series. There's not even anyone to eat all of the food you bake when procrastinating doing laundry.
Should you make new friends? Make due with the ones who stayed in town? Jump on the bandwagon and move home as well?
I decided to make due with the ones that stayed, and try to get the ones that left me back to visit as often as possible. Visits can be amazing. A break from the redundancy of working full time, or the aggrivation of the job hunt.
What approach would you take?
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