Flip a Coin

Several big life decisions have been looming over my head lately. They all came to a head today making me unfocused and anxious most of the day.

It started when an old employer forwarded me a job opportunity that she recommended me for. She said that I was the first person she thought of after reading the requirements. I was flattered and so grateful that she is still looking out for me, even though I have not worked for her in almost two years. Shows how much networking really can help in life.

I read about the position, what was required, what was expected, and what it paid. The position did sound like something right up my ally.

Problem number 1: I already have a job that I am not actively looking to leave. This may have been different 6 months ago, but not right now. While I still want to get into a field I love, I have unfinished business at this one. I don't actually want to leave until I accomplish what I need to there.

Problem number 2: I really want to move. The east coast has been driving me insane! I need to get away and fast! I can't think about taking a new position if I'm leaving the area, but this one sounds almost perfect for me.

These 2 main problems, also caused other ones to spin off.

What if I still haven't finished what I need to at my current job when my lease is up?

What if this new career opportunity is what I'm meant to do?

What if I can't find another opportunity that is comparable to either of these?

All of this went through my head while I was showering. I usually relax in the shower. I can't relax when freaking out. It was not a good start to the day.

Then, a very wise woman told me to flip a coin to make any and all of these big life decisions. I was at first very confused. This is a smart, successful woman who I respect professionally and personally, would she really make a life decision based on a coin flip?

Luckily she explained a bit further before I had to also rethink how I felt about her as a person. She told me that if I flip a coin, with heads being move and tails being stay and I get heads, I will know everything I need to. It's the reaction you have to the outcome that makes the decision. If the coin says move and I am disappointed then I guess I'm not ready to move.

Her theory scares me as much as elates me. I would love to just MAKE A DECISION and be done with it so I can plan accordingly. But, if I realize I'm not ready to move a brand new can of worms is opened about what to do with my life here.

Can I flip a coin to decide if I'm going to flip a coin to make this decision?

Obligatory Earthquake Story

I feel like I need a post about the earthquake yesterday, mostly because it rocked my life in so many ways. It was my very first physical earthquake. I never want to experience one again. Maybe it was because I was not prepared for it in any way, maybe because they are scary, who knows really? I did decide that I think earthquakes are the scariest natural phenomenon. The ground moves. You can can't hide from that. No shelter can be found when the ground itself is moving.

My first thought though when it struck was that the shaking was caused simply by construction. Then it got stronger and things started coming off the shelves. My first instinct was to run, but to run where? I was wide eyed and horrified.

I am sure people near the epicenter were more in danger than I was, but it was still very traumatic. I decided that the next place I live can't be on a fault line, that's how traumatic.

I want to share one of the emails we got from a client immediately following the incident that made me laugh:

"I grabbed the backup device. It is in my hands. Now what?"

Kudos to you for grabbing the backup, many people I know thought of that only after they ran outside, but we really don't control what happens next.

Is The World Ending?

Unfortunately I have stopped reading newspapers as often as I should. When faced with the decision to check my Facebook before bed or read a headline, I always tend to choose the Book. Last night I opened the New York Times on my computer just to make sure I wasn't living under a rock this week and the headlines scared me out of my mind.

"Dow Drops 800 Points"

"Riots Break Out in London for 3rd Night in a Row"

"Wave of Worry Threatens to Build on Itself"

"Tumult in Global Markets"

These are not headlines I was expecting to see. They are headlines of a world that is about to end. Half look like they are from the Great Depression, and I thought we had already accepted that the economy sucked. Half are telling me that civilized cities are being burnt to the ground. Maybe I've been reading too much dystopian literature lately, but all these things point to the end in my head.

While it is important to know what is happening in the world around you, I have realized why I decided on Facebook and The Frisky instead. I have enough stress in my life, I want to read about pointless happy things when I get home. Which also reminds me of the Gilmore Girls episode where Lorelei expresses her desire for a newspaper that reports happy things like puppies being born and new ice cream flavors being discovered. She was on to something.

Sting Like a Bee

This morning I was driving to work as I do 5/7 days of the week. The Shikar has no air conditioning so I had the windows down as usual. My favorite song of the moment was blasting on the radio and I was tapping the steering wheel to the beat. Had I been near a beach it would've been a cliche scene from a bad teen drama.

Instead my hair was going nuts with the heat and I was stuck at a stop light in Virginia. The light turned green, I accelerated, and wouldn't you know it, a large friend decided to join me.

A wasp the size of a clementine flew in my window and landed on the dashboard. As I was driving 50 mph it's stinger zipped by me. And it sat there. And stared at me. It was hairy, I had never seen a hairy wasp. Maybe it wasn't a wasp at all. But it had a stinger.

I froze. My eyes were wide behind my sunglasses. I was in the center lane, pulling over required checking my blind spot and taking my eyes off the huge stinger that was staring at me. But I had no other choice. I pulled into a parking lot on the side of the road, put my car in park and had every intention of getting out. Then the thing started flying around inside the car. Before I could get out.

I started to panic.

Then it flew right out the window again. Not like the bird who always got stuck on our screen porch and couldn't find its way out. This wasp-like creature knew exactly how to get back out.

And it was today that I realized my previously unknown fear of being trapped in an enclosed space going at a high speed with a creature that can sting me. My heart was in my throat before I even got to work.