The Theory of Twice Removed

I have a theory about dating. First off, I hate most aspects of it with a passion. I hate awkwardness, I hate the Q&A part of getting to know someone else, I hate the pressure associated with dating a new person. This is how my theory came into being.

There are several ways to meet someone new, but most of them suck. If you meet someone at a bar I can almost guarantee that they will not be in your life more than 3 weeks. You can try online dating, but ever since the Craigslist killer, this creeps me out. You can ask your friends to set you up, but if that goes badly then all the awkwardness increases times a thousand.

My solution: The Theory of Twice Removed. I'll explain. The best people to date are friends of friends of friends.

- If you start dating someone you are friends with shit will likely hit the fan. It could ruin a friendship, your current friends will feel the need to take sides if it ends badly, etc., etc.

- If you start dating a friend of a friend they are still too close in proximity of your main friend group to avoid them. You probably met at a party,

but they will also be at every party after this one. They are pretty well vetted by someone who's judgement you kind of trust, but if it ends badly even more people will feel awkward. Do you really want to be asked why it didn't work while the person is drinking a beer in the other room?

- If you start dating a friend of a friend of a friend you are in a perfect situation. Example: Your friend's, roommate's best friend. They are far enough removed from your circle of friends that you will probably not awkwardly run into them at a party, but close enough that if you are interested it will be simple to get them there. No one's feelings will get hurt if it doesn't work out, except maybe theirs.

The last 3 people I dated fit my theory. None of them worked out, sadly enough, but it doesn't matter because I never really have to see them again. On the bright side, if they do happen to be a mutual friend's party, we can still hook up. It's a great position to be in.

The only issue I have encountered with my Theory, is that everyone tends to hang out with the same people. At some point, the pool of FoFoF will run out. But I think I am willing to take my chances until then.

I Suck At Dating

If you know me at all you know my attention span tends to be on par with that of a 6 year old. I love shiny things, get distracted by a song, and always need to be doing something. In simple terms, I get bored easily.

Unfortunately this often carries into my dating life. I tend to find a guy I may like, exchange numbers, go on a few dates, then get bored. That is my M.O. Has been forever.

It's not like I even dislike the guy I happen to be dating at the time. That would at least give me a good reason to stop dating him. Sometimes I even know that I do like him. But liking a guy doesn't mean I will continue dating him. There is so much more to it than that.

I would like to add that I am not bored on the dates themselves. Conversation, chemistry, all of that is great on the first 1-4 dates I go on with someone. I often find several common interests, things we both want to try. On the dates, all signs point to go. Then my desire to continue dating that person just dissipates.

This is not a common issue you see on dating and relationship blogs or magazines. Usually they list reasons a woman is bad at dating that include things like being too bitter or not putting yourself out there or trying to date the wrong men. I don't relate to those (although the types of men I date are questionable at times, sometimes you need to experience Mr. Wrong before getting to Mr. Right.).

Now I've thought of a few things that can explain this phenomena in my dating career.

1. I'm really low maintenance. When you first start dating someone you tend to go out a lot. That is, after all, what a date usually is. But I like to cook more often than eat out. And I prefer being on my couch in sweats than dressing up for dinner. Going out actually gets me bored. And most men assume a girl wants to be wined and dined all the time. I don't.
2. Along those same lines, I like casual things. Just hanging out at home with the tv on or playing video games or grabbing a sandwich. If I could hang out at home with a guy instead of go to dinner and it was still awesome, that is a good sign. I like to try new things, but the person needs to fit into my every day life too.
3. Where I meet the guy matters. Friends of friends are great because you often meet in a casual environment where you are just hanging out. No pressure. No expectations. That is what I like. I have enough pressure and expectations at work all week, I don't want to feel that way while dating. If I do, I stop paying attention.

I feel bad when I hit my boredom plateau with someone. I usually know it's coming, even if the dates are going well. It also sucks, because even the potential of sex and romance makes life so much better. When I get bored the potential goes away. Until of course I find a new guy to get bored with.

I'm sorry to all the men out there who have experienced this and I wish I had a better explanation to give you. Unfortunately I do not. On the bright side, though, if we've made it past 4 dates or 4 weeks, whichever comes first, and I'm not bored, it looks promising for you.